I have thought over the past few days, What do I do for my birthday? What gift do I give to everyone? Something worthy of your friendship and emotions you have spent over the years and months on me. What do I collect from you all too? But here in Kano, the harmattan seems not to allow me put my thoughts to paper – rather, I have blanketed them [and slept of course.]
It’s quite cold here as I write this. And I have probably spent the last two hours hidden in this blanket, but thinking, what to give to you as my birthday gift/ what to collect from you. [It goes two ways abi?]
Last year, I wrote 22 Things I have learnt in my 22 year sojourn. And to me, that is yet my most touching piece. Would I be able to soar above that bar again? Only time would tell.
Well, well, well, here are some questions bordering on my raison d’etre of my 23 years here, they will guide me on what to do next;
What has been the most compelling influence in my life in the past 23 years?
What has changed me for the better?
What has defined me?
What has refined me?
What has compassed my success?
What has strengthened my weakness?
What has given me hope at my most troubling hours?
What has wiped tears from my eyes at the twilight hours?
What has given me courage when I was timid?
What has spoken to me ‘I can’ – when the obvious said I couldn’t?
What has put the worth in my life?
What has shielded me from my own self-peril?
What has crowned me with royalty?
What has calmed my tempre?
What has showered me blessings undeserved?
What has been indeed, the most compelling influence of my 23 years sojourn?
Her name is love. I call her my achilles heel. My weakest point. And yet still my strongest point. My core. My being. My source. My thoughts. Love is my drive. She is all that I’m crazy about, she is all that I truly want. She is my thought in the dark wee hours of the night. And I know that if love can change my life and turn a hub of shrubs to a garden, she can change the world.
Love is the greatest of every emotion that dwells the surface of our earth. And one that connects us to the heavens. It is our tool to save humanity.
Now to my birthday list;
Have we been friends for more than a year, a month, a week, an hour, or the last 15 minutes? Have I crushed on you or vice versa? Are you a member of my [extended or nuclear] family? Did we ever work together on a project or at an office? Do we just follow each other on Twitter? Have we schooled together? Have you heard my name and then rushed to search it on Facebook and friended me and now we are ‘Facebiends’? Have you found me attractive at any point in time – or vice versa? Have we at any point ever called ourselves best-friends? Have we met at a club, meeting, lounge, bus-stop, mai-shayi, Kano Law School, at a Church service, on the plane, or any imaginable place that human beings gather in their numbers? Do you know my Mother or Brothers and feel you know me? Have I asked you out – or have we dated? Have you seen me from afar and said, ‘I like that boy’? Have I worked for you?
Most of all, do you think I am worth loving?
If your answer is in the affirmative, then, this is for you.
Now, birthday wishes are cliché. I am not being an ingrate, so thank you. But birthday gifts are all we want. Abi I lie? NO! So here is the kind of gift I want, a LOVE kind of gift.
To say Happy Birthday to me, you’d have to do at least 5 of the activities on my list below. If you can’t, just send N230,000 to my account (GTB – 0024996263). No biggie, I won’t complain, I’d manage the money. Below;
- Pay the hospital bill of a child below 10 years old.
- Kiss your Mum on her forehead and tell her you love her.
- Go to a public secondary school and pay the school fees of one indigent child.
- Go to a motor park and give a beggar 2,300 Naira. Tell him or her Happy Birthday. [He/She may never have celebrated or even known his/her birthday.]
- Buy a cake and take it to an L.E.A Primary school, to share to Primary 2 students.
- Buy 1,500 credit in two places and send to two random numbers. Not people you know. Tell them you love them. And they shouldn’t ask why.
- Dance in front of a mirror and post it on Instagram/ YouTube. Tag me on the video. 😀
- Go to a wedding where you don’t know the bride or groom, buy the couple a car. If you can’t afford one, give a 10,000 Naira gift in an envelope and draw a heart on it. Don’t put your name to it.
- Go to a Primary School or get the contact of a Primary School girl in Borno State; pay her tuition fee through to Secondary School. | Option 2: Pick a child 15 years younger than you as a god-child; send him/ her a gift every 18th January for the rest of your life.
- Write a love poem for me.
- Take your neighbor’s children to the Cinema.
- Go to an eatery, tell them it’s my birthday, pay for the meal of the next 5 people who enter the eatery after you do.
- Call your spouse/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ lover/ toaster and tell them you love them 23 times. Do this for the next 23 days.
- Quit smoking if you’re a smoker. For my sake. Then buy Cigarettes worth 2,300 Naira – Dispose them without smoking one; one day at a time, one stick a day, till they are exhausted.
- Go to an Ice-Cream place. Wait there, pay for ice-cream of any three children that come around there.
- Write a note to a child below 10 years old and tell them how much you adore them. And how you look forward to seeing them succeed 10 years from today.
- Look for a child below 15 who has lost his/ her father. Give him/her a gift – a worthy one.
- Take yourself out , eat food worth 23,000 alone.
- Spend a spread of 23 hours with an old person/ old persons above 70 years.
- Take a beggar out to a 4 star eatery, tell him/ her to eat as she wants – if you can afford them to even do takeaway, let them take it -then pay.
- Send a text (Don’t Call) to my Mum, she means the world to me – 08028338266.
- Send a text message to all your family members – nuclear and extended, as many as you know – tell each of them in a separate and deliberate message how much you love them and how happy you are to have them in your life as family.
- Text me. Just say you love me. And mean it. If you don’t, save the 4 Naira.
- JARA: Buy a sandals for a boy and girl in an LEA Primary school.
Love you!
Things to note;
a. You can do any of these on or before February 14th.
b. You must do the exact. No subtraction, but you may add more at your discretion.
c. Gift 18 can only be done on the 18th. Afterwards, na overfeeding you do.
d. Gift 21 is jara. If you do it, still take another one.
e. Don’t call where I wrote text. Don’t text where I wrote call. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
f. Gift 24 is jara too. If you do it. Hugs, thank you. Take another one.
To end; Thank you for all the love you have shown me and would be showing on my behalf to mark my 23rd birthday. Your love to me has been so overwhelming that at times I feel like a spoilt child. Now is the time to spread it round.
I am crazy in love with you already. Thank you
Johannes TOBI Wojuola
What do you think?