– 18TH JANUARY, 2014 –
Dear friends, colleagues, family, lovers, admirers and acquaintances,
Today marks the most important date in my existence, cherished most of all because it was the date I was born to my parents – to my mother specifically on that cold winter morning in Biberach, as she puts it.
I have lived through from my birth day to this very second I pen this letter down; enjoying sour and sweet experiences brought to me by life, from the death of my father to challenges faced growing up with a single woman, from my self-serving ego to humbling situations, from my failures to my successes, from my battles – won and lost, to my numerous affairs: I have learnt a whole lot from life.
In recent years I have always made it a tradition to request from you a birthday gift from a birthday gift list, of course I am your friend and I selfishly want you to celebrate me – save some money from January 1st till the 17th and go get me something worth the friendship, taking cognizance of the fact that handkerchiefs, boxers, plastic cups and 100 Naira recharge cards would be humbly rejected.
This year, I have chosen to deviate from the norm (notwithstanding, the norm would be continued as from next year) and not request for birthday gifts from you all.
I celebrate two scores and two years today, January 18th 2014; this year I have chosen to see things differently, I have learnt a lot from life in this 22 year period and thus I have chosen that rather I give to you than collect from you.
Life has awarded me so many gifts that I would be greatly self-centered to request any gift from anyone. Many at times I have put me in front of the mirror and I flashback at my experiences and how I have come to where I am – at most times I say to myself, ‘I do not deserve this’.
This year, I would be giving to you twenty – two things I have learnt from my experiences in life’s journey. If you learn anything from these then take it that you got your piece of cake from my birthday and if you found it insipid and irrelevant, you owe me a birthday gift. YES OR YES?
The first thing I have learnt is to never let your life circumstances hold you back from achieving your dreams. Having lost my father at six years old a lot of things changed for the not so good; but I made the choice not to ever let that hold me back from being who I wanted to be. I never looked back sadly at life, rather I looked ahead and grabbed each day to give meaning and cause to the fulfillment of dreams I had set for myself.
Of course, I have had moments where I felt hopeless and shortchanged by life, but I made it a point of duty to remember that what lies ahead would be far greater than what lay behind only when I took charge of the present.
The second thing I have learnt is to be thankful and always appreciate the little things of life. As I said earlier, I do not believe I deserve so much, and my successes are only privileges God’s Grace has provided to me through people. I could have been the beggar on the street, a house-help or a sick patient in a hospital, but here I am, happy and successful in my own terms. I never take these for granted, for the people who have invested dimes, joules and seconds to making me, who I am today, I have learnt to always appreciate each of them. The privilege is mine, to have them in my life.
The third thing I have learnt in this sojourn is that I must find a place of peace for my spirit in belief in God. Religion has its deepest and unanswered questions, I do not spend my time questioning the existence of the creator and his will, and why he makes the lilies white and the sunflowers yellow – rather I believe and trust in him – this has given me a joy and peace of mind that words to describe cannot measure when I attempt to pen down.
I have learnt to be happy and content with what I have, knowing that in life, whether I am a billionaire, millionaire or thousandnaire there would always be people who would have more and less than I have.
Fifthly, I have learnt to play to my best ability, my little but dire part in the scheme of affairs. I have understood that I cannot be tailor, president, laptop technician, lawyer, dancer, teacher, student, doctor and traffic warden all at the same time, but I can be one of these and strive to be the best in what I find myself at – to ensure that the system works well and better because I have played well my part.
The sixth thing I have learnt is to strive to be happy. A moment of sadness could take away so much from me than it will ever add. No man or woman is worth the sacrifice of my happiness.
I have learnt not to judge people by my selfish standards, knowing that every man faces his own battles unique to himself. I face mine, and you do not know half of what I go through, and on the other hand I do not know half of what your strives and pains are. I have thus learnt to accept every man as he is and only help him become better in any little way I can.
The eight lesson I have learnt is to spend as much time as I can alone, cutting myself from the many jamborees, noises and pleasures of life for a little while – spending time to mirror my life – mirroring my success and failures and working on being better at the former and how to prevent the latter.
Number nine on this list is that I have learnt to weigh my every choice on the knowledge that once I choose to do a thing my following action would have certain consequences on me and even the people around me – the question is thus if I do desire those consequences.
Tenthly, I have learnt never to look down at people but to believe in them knowing that one day you are the cock of the walk and the next you are the feather duster. Life changes.
The eleventh thing I have learned is to focus my dreams to be the happiness and achievement of other people’s dreams. Okechukwu thought me this. His major achievements are not the clothing he has acquired, the name and wealth he has made for himself, but how he has spent his time putting smiles on other people’s faces. I have learnt that when we seek to make other people happy, we are in more weight making ourselves happy.
My twelfth lesson learnt is that luxury is not the goal of success, but only a compliment to success – success should be people targeted. Wealth and wisdom for me are gifts from God which come with a duty tag to share to others.
I have also learnt that no matter how your family may seem to be – they still play a number one role in your life. I am not a person so much attached to my immediate family, I spend most times alone, yet I have come to learn that they are the only people who will stand by you when the whole world crumbles. Filial love is one that can never be wholly soured.
Fourteenth – I have learnt to apologize when I have gone wrong. No man is above mistakes and when I realize my folly, even when pride and ego force a hold on my bow, I struggle to humbly give an apology.
I strive everyday to keep my mind fixed on positive thoughts always. Irrespective of disappointments and setbacks, I have chosen to be optimistic and look to the positive side of things. Happiness is never so far from a positive mind.
I have learnt to fight all forms of procrastination. My biggest failures have always been caused by my procrastination – from I will do it at noon, to let me wait till midnight, till the deadline is passed – I am learning never to trust tomorrow and do what I can today.
My seventeenth lesson learnt is that I have learnt to love people. It is not as easy as it is written. Friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances would often at times give you cause to hate and dislike them, but I have learnt to yet love them and treat them better than they have to me. Love is the best emotion ever created.
The eighteenth thing I have learnt is never to be complacent with my achievements. I never sit back and stay jubilant at my successes. Success is but a challenge – that more can be done, we are only worse than our last peak, there is always more to be achieved so I set for myself a new goal at every one achieved.
A seeming antithetical position to my eighteenth lesson learnt is that I have learnt to accept things as they are. As humans we strive to get certain things and most times we do not get a 100% of what we want – I have learnt the 80 – 20 rule of life; that life gives us most times, 80% of what we want and holds back 20%, the question is whether we prefer the 20 not gotten over the 80 received, and if we would leave the 80 in search of the 20 or be contented with the 80? For instance, a man who wants a model looking, hot, beautiful woman and chases on to get her only to find out that she cannot cook and is quick tempered. He is left with the choice to accept what he has found if he is satisfied with the ration in relation to his preference or go out and look for a good girl who cooks beautifully and has a less aggravated mind. In this I have learnt that perfection is acceptance.
My 20th lesson learnt in my past 22 years on earth is that hard-work pays – the sacrifices we make during sleepless nights, to study or work out a new plan or proposal is never wasted and surely pays in the long run. Thus I have learnt to give my extra, make sacrifices and strive to be better; knowing that at the end, there is a reward for my industry.
I have learnt also that for every success achieved, there is a sacrifice made. To get more we put in more efforts. The first class earned is the product of the extra hours spent at night while your friends slept; the success and accolades at work are the results of extra hours and overtime spent. To every success there is a pain we must bear.
Finally, the twenty second lesson I have learnt is that I DO NOT KNOW IT ALL and I am still learning everyday – open to criticism and new lessons until my heart and lungs cease to serve for my body’s survival.
These are but the few from the many lessons I have learnt in my two decades plus years of life, they are just a summary, I have learnt more and am still learning. I hope you do enjoy this gift from me as I celebrate my birthday by giving back.
© Johannes T. Wojuola. (18th Jan. 2014)
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